Disciplining Children

[Angelique]

This was sumthing that was discussed at work a couple days ago.

A young mother, mid 20's had a child with her. This child was behaving for a little while, but when it became clear that they were there to eat lunch, he proceeded to gradually become more and more troublesome. Now keep in mind I do not know if this child is hers or she is just babysitting. The young boy started to talk very loudly, would throw silverware on the floor, start pulling on his hair, knock over water glasses, basically anything to get some kind of attention. The lady (mother) was doing everything short of spanking the child to get him to calm down.


But what I am wondering is how far is pushing things to far before a child should get a spanking or should parents not spank their child?

[Assassin™]

I'm not an advocate for beating children, nor do I think that parents should ever establish a physically threatening relationship with their young children, but sometimes spanking is necessary. Time out sure the hell doesn't work. I guarantee you that if that was my child, it would have never gotten that far. I will teach my children how to behave themselves in public before I start taking them somewhere. If you can teach your children at an early age, when they still look at you as their #1 role model, what is and isn't acceptable social behavior, they will be much more obedient and easier to handle when they get older. I think if they actually understand why you are telling them no for something, or why they were punished or scolded them for something, they will be better able to make decisions on their own, and they won't misbehave--not because they are scared of you (the parent) but because they know it's wrong and understand why it's wrong. I think the age old cliché "Children should be seen and not heard." is completely wrong, outdated, and probably never accurately applied to disciplining young children.





Good topic Angie.

[Jodes]

well i have an autistic son. i've never hit him. i always take something he likes away or put him in timeout. it kills him. IMO spanking is not needed and it just teaches the child that violence is ok. sorry just my opinion.

[Assassin™]

^The whole concept of spanking is to teach the child not to do something. They are not suppose to think violence is okay. In the case of spanking, for them violence = pain. What I was trying to say is most parents don't use spanking effectively. They do it to scare the child into behaving because they lack basic parenting skills like talking to their children and explaining why what they did is wrong. As fragile as young children's minds are, sometimes a parent's words can be much more impactful, in some cases hurtful, than the pain associated with spanking.

Jody, in your case, I understand why you would object to spanking. I have a cousin that has is autistic. He is 14 years older than me, but taking care of him can be really stressful sometimes. Even though you are in a case that is unique, you still have the right as a parent to discipline your child any way you want (within the law of course). The techniques you use do not work on most kids though; I've tried them. It is definitely understandable why you wouldn't want to spank your autistic child.

The most commonly accepted reason that children mis-behave and do immature things is because they "don't know any better." I hear parents say this like it is an excuse. If anything that "excuse", right or wrong, just further shows that the child's bad behavior is the parents fault. The parent either hasn't done their job of teaching the child right from wrong, or they don't even know the child well enough to notice that the child is out of control. Parents will try to play it off like it's just a phase and is part of growing up. They assume the child will grow out of the juvenile behavior. When they realize they are wrong, it is usually too late. That's why I think it is important to at least try and contain this innapropriate behavior at the earliest age possible.

[The Hammer]

Ya I'm going to say that sometimes a spanking is necesary. I would have done whatever the hell I felt like if I never got spanked. I mean you don't have to actually beat the child you just give him a quick spank to let him no that he is wrong and there are consiquences. Time out works with some kids, but some are just like ok whatever if I do something bad this is all that happens.

[Sunshine Acid]

I dont believe in violence so I would never hit my own child. I do however think spoiled behaviour like that is a result of the parent not establishing ay prinicipals of right or wrong and letting the child do what they want. You have to be a good teacher to the child and Jodes method seems to be a good way to punish any bad behaviour. Hitting is not okay in my opinion.

[the madscotsman]

I think if you learn to talk to your weans (kids) rather than talking to them like they are stupid/ something you've stepppted on then usauallly they will behave. And when they don't behave then scald them ( I mean tell them to behave) If all else faills, spank them. If you do that then threaten them with a spanking, once then see how other kids get treated like shite then they'll behave. I hate the way people here talk to their weans. I suffer from angermanagment issues, (bad tempered bastard to me and you) and you have no idea how much I have to stop my self from shouting at parents for the ay they talk to their weans. I know it's nothing to do with me, but It still pisses me off. case in point. I child wouldn't let go of a toy in a shop, so the mother grabbed it off her and the kid staredted to cry a little, instead off talking to the kid she slapped it on the arse, so it cried even more. and she said 'what have you got to say for you'r self?' I replied 'ouch would be a fuckin start' before I could stop myself. The kid did something else later on and she hit her again and said 'would you like another one?' how fuckin retarted is that woman. what kid wants to be spanked. I swear some people shouldn't be alowed weans. especially if they shout at them and talk to them like they are a pice of shite

Am I over-reacting or am I right.

[Assassin™]

^You're right and you're overreacting.

If spanking or yelling at a child in a toy store won't get them to stop misbehaving, talking to them nicely definitely won't. The fact that the child did something else later proves that even spanking wasn't serious enough. Most parents use bad judgement on when to talk, when to yell, and when to spank.

In your example, the mother should have talked to her child before they went into the store to let the child know exactly what behavior was expected. The mother didn't start off with a spanking. According to your story, she first grabbed the toy from the child, and then it started to make noise.

[Sunshine Acid]

I think if you learn to talk to your weans (kids) rather than talking to them like they are stupid/ something you've stepppted on then usauallly they will behave. And when they don't behave then scald them ( I mean tell them to behave) If all else faills, spank them. If you do that then threaten them with a spanking, once then see how other kids get treated like shite then they'll behave. I hate the way people here talk to their weans. I suffer from angermanagment issues, (bad tempered bastard to me and you) and you have no idea how much I have to stop my self from shouting at parents for the ay they talk to their weans. I know it's nothing to do with me, but It still pisses me off. case in point. I child wouldn't let go of a toy in a shop, so the mother grabbed it off her and the kid staredted to cry a little, instead off talking to the kid she slapped it on the arse, so it cried even more. and she said 'what have you got to say for you'r self?' I replied 'ouch would be a fuckin start' before I could stop myself. The kid did something else later on and she hit her again and said 'would you like another one?' how fuckin retarted is that woman. what kid wants to be spanked. I swear some people shouldn't be alowed weans. especially if they shout at them and talk to them like they are a pice of shite

Am I over-reacting or am I right.


You are so damn Scottish....:)

[the madscotsman]

^You're right and you're overreacting.


In your example, the mother should have talked to her child before they went into the store to let the child know exactly what behavior was expected. The mother didn't start off with a spanking. According to your story, she first grabbed the toy from the child, and then it started to make noise.


That's what I mean If you talk to them and tell them what is expected, and treat them like human beings then they tend to behave. In my expeirience of watching other people if you shout at them they cry and misbehave if you hit them they cry and misbehave. There are even peope who hit them for cry after they have shouted at them. they hit them because they are crying and it's making a noise. so instead of asking/telling them to be quiet withought shouting at them they hit them again. how the fuck does that make sense.

and sunshine what do you mean 'I'm so scottish?'

[Sunshine Acid]

nothing.

[Assassin™]

That's what I mean If you talk to them and tell them what is expected, and treat them like human beings then they tend to behave. In my expeirience of watching other people if you shout at them they cry and misbehave if you hit them they cry and misbehave. There are even peope who hit them for cry after they have shouted at them. they hit them because they are crying and it's making a noise. so instead of asking/telling them to be quiet withought shouting at them they hit them again. how the fuck does that make sense.That basically supports my idea that when children do misbehave and act up that it is usually the parent's fault. They don't know how to discipline their children correctly and effectively. You should start out at the highest level of punishment, it should be a gradual process. Also, the punishment should fit the crime.

There are still exceptions. Parents should treat their children like human beings, but you have to realize that children don't respond to things the same way adults do, and it's stupid to expect them too. Simply talking to a small child and calmly telling them to stop doing whatever infraction they are committing seldomly works.

[the madscotsman]

I know they don't respond the same way as a rational adult might. but there is no need to treat them like shite. there has to be a middle ground