LG
07-04-2013, 04:09 AM
If you enjoyed the replay that aired before this week’s episode of Main Event, it is time for a fresh episode of action from the wrestlers of the WWE.
We are in Topeka, Kansas and your announcers are Josh ‘We’re off to see the wizard’ Mathews and Cody ‘The Usual Co-host must be looking for a heart or brain’ Rhodes.
Before our first match, Damien Sandow has something to say to the people. He says tonight he treats everyone to a quote from a great man. Damien Sandow once said “in the Valley of the Stupid, the half-wit is king”. That would explain the adoration for the troglodyte known as Captain Charisma. Tonight, this festival of ignorance comes to a screeching halt when he beats Captain Charisma. You may not like it, but you will learn from it.
You’re Welcome
Match Number One: Christian versus Damien Sandow
Christian claps to get the crowd into things and then he teases a lock up with Sandow. They lock up and Christian with a waist lock and Sandow gets to the ropes. Christian with a clean break. They lock up again and Sandow backs Christian into the corner and Sandow with a clean break of competence.
They lock up again and Christian with a waist lock but Sandow with a wrist lock. Christian with a reversal and hammer lock. Sandow with a side head lock and shoulder tackle and he mocks the Christian clap. They lock up again and Sandow with a side head lock. Christian with a kick but Sandow with a side head lock take down. Christian with a head scissors but Sandow escapes.
Sandow misses a clothesline and Christian with a side head lock take down. Sandow gets Christian up but Christian with a snap mare. Christian with a shoulder tackle and a near fall. Christian with another shoulder tackle and near fall but Sandow retreats to the ropes to stop Christian’s offense.
Christian wants a Greco Roman knuckle lock but Sandow with a kick and side head lock. Sandow goes to the floor and Christian chases after him. Sandow misses an elbow when Christian teases his re-entry into the ring. Christian with a shoulder and sunset flip for a near fall.
Christian with a wrist lock but Sandow escapes and then he does a cartwheel before kicking Christian and he punches Christian. Sandow with a slam and he gets a near fall. Sandow with a reverse chin lock into a side head lock. Christian with elbows but Sandow with punches and head butts to Christian. Sandow chokes Christian in the ropes.
Christian with an Irish whip but he runs into boots from Sandow. Christian with a back body drop for a near fall. Christian runs into a shoulder from Sandow on the apron. Sandow tries to suplex Christian over the top rope to the floor but Christian blocks it. Christian slides through the legs and he pulls Sandow off the apron and to the floor. Christian with a baseball slide and he goes to the floor. Christian rolls Sandow back in and he goes up top and misses a cross body and Sandow gets a near fall.
Christian with a kick and then he clotheslines Sandow over the top rope to the floor and Christian follows as we go to commercial.
We are back and we see the briefcase before Christian punches Sandow and slams him. Christian with a sliding clothesline and he gets a near fall. Christian sends Sandow into the turnbuckles and he punches Sandow. Christian slides under an attempt by Sandow to get his knees up. Christian teases pulling Sandow’s Longfellow into the ring post but he takes too long and Sandow pulls Christian into the ring post.
Sandow waits for Christian to return to the ring and he punches him and then he kicks Christian. Sandow hangs Christian over the apron and he connects with an elbow and then he drops a knee to the chest and gets a near fall. Sandow with a knee to the back and then he applies a quarter nelson and chin lock.
Sandow with a head butt and he pulls Christian to the mat but he misses a knee drop and Christian with a rollup. Sandow with a near fall. Sandow chokes Christian in the ropes. Sandow with a side Russian leg sweep into the Elbow of Disdain and he connects and gets a near fall.
Sandow tells everyone that they are welcome before picking up Christian and he runs his boot laces across the face. Sandow with shoulders in the corner and Christian with punches and then Christian goes up top but Sandow stops him with punches. Sandow goes for a superplex and Christian stops him for a moment but Sandow hits the superplex but both men are down.
Christian with an inside cradle for a near fall and then each man tries for a clothesline and they are both down. Christian with punches to Sandow followed by a running forearm. Sandow falls into the ropes and Christian chokes him and then Christian with a slingshot to the floor and he connects with an uppercut. Christian with a missile drop kick but Sandow kicks out.
Sandow gets his boot up but Christian with an inverted DDT for a near fall. Sandow tries for Terminus but Christian escapes and he goes to the turnbuckles for a sunset flip and he gets a near fall. Sandow sends Christian into the turnbuckles. Christian with a back elbow and he goes to the turnbuckles. Christian tries for the tornado DDT but Sandow escapes and he hits a leaping snap neck breaker for a near fall.
Christian with punches from the turnbuckles and then he hits a back elbow from the turnbuckles. Christian tries for the Killswitch but Sandow counters with an Edgeocution for a near fall. Christian avoids a charge into the corner and then Sandow is dropped on the top rope and Christian hits the Killswitch for the three count.
Winner: Christian
We go to commercial.
We are back and Zeb Colter has something to say before Jack Swagger’s match. America, do you remember that? The fifty stars, the thirteen bars. He remembers when America began on the Fourth of July. It should be a day where we honor our forefathers who fought and bled and sacrificed for us. It should be a day when we are all proud to be Americans.
That is not what it is. Some Americans have taken that day to make it another day to throw a heart attack burger on the grill or drink so much they don’t remember their name.
People like Sin Cara take advantage of the day and sneak across the border.
Real Americans do not like to be taken advantage of. Sin Cara will be made an example of.
Zeb decides to speak in Spanish (thanks to Google Translate) and decides to tell Sin Cara to learn English but it will be a mal dia para ti thanks to Jack Swagger.
Match Number Two: Sin Cara versus Jack Swagger (with Zeb Colter)
The bell rings and the lights go down to Sin Cara level. Swagger pie faces Cara and Cara with a forearm and kicks. Cara with more kicks but Swagger sends him into the corner and he connects with knees. Swagger with more knees in the corner and the referee warns Swagger. Swagger with more knees in the corner and he sends Cara to the mat. Swagger with a biel to Cara.
Swagger tries for a belly-to-back suplex but Cara lands on his feet and he hits a handspring back elbow. Swagger charges at Cara and Cara ducks down. Swagger goes to the floor. Cara tries for a baseball slide but Swagger moves out of the way and Swagger runs Cara into the ringside barrier.
The referee starts his count and Cara struggles to get back to his feet but Cara gets in at nine to the shock of Swagger. We go to commercial.
We are back and Swagger with the double jump Swagger Bomb. Swagger takes time to tell us welcome to Jack Swagger’s America. Swagger with a waist lock to Cara. Swagger with forearms to the back but Cara with a crucifix cover for a near fall. Swagger with a boot to Cara.
Swagger sends Cara into the turnbuckles a few times and Cara is down on the mat. Swagger traps the arms on the mat. Cara with elbows but Swagger with a forearm to the back and then he slams Cara. Swagger misses a leaping leg drop and both men are down. Cara with kicks to the leg but Swagger sends Cara into the corner and Cara gets his boots up.
Cara tries for a rana but Swagger catches him and tries for an ankle lock. Cara with an enzuigiri from the apron and then he hits a cross body from the top. Cara tries for a head scissors but Swagger blocks it and he counters with the Doctor Bomb and he makes Cara tap to the ankle lock.
Winner: Jack Swagger
We have a Wyatt Family video and we are reminded that they are going to debut on Monday night on Raw.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we are reminded that CM Punk will be on Smackdown this week.
It is time for a Mark Henry video package.
AJ Lee makes her way to the ring with Big E Langston and she joins Cody and Josh at the announce table.
Match Number Three: Big E Langston versus Curt Hawkins
Hawkins with a waist lock but Langston with a back drop. They lock up again and Hawkins with a side head lock and Langston puts Hawkins on the turnbuckles and he mocks Hawkins. They lock up again and Hawkins with another side head lock but Langston puts Hawkins on the turnbuckles again. Hawkins blocks the slap and he slaps Langston.
Hawkins leaps over Langston but Langston with a body tackle and then he applies a bear hug. Hawkins with elbows to escape and then he kicks Langston but Langston with a back body drop. Hawkins draws Langston to the floor and then he kicks Langston when he reenters the ring and he hits a hesitation drop kick. Langston kicks Hawkins away but Hawkins with a forearm into the corner.
Langston misses a clothesline but Langston with another body block. Langston with a splash to the back and then he pulls the straps down and he applies the Big Ending and he gets the three count.
Winner: Big E Langston
We go to credits.
We are in Topeka, Kansas and your announcers are Josh ‘We’re off to see the wizard’ Mathews and Cody ‘The Usual Co-host must be looking for a heart or brain’ Rhodes.
Before our first match, Damien Sandow has something to say to the people. He says tonight he treats everyone to a quote from a great man. Damien Sandow once said “in the Valley of the Stupid, the half-wit is king”. That would explain the adoration for the troglodyte known as Captain Charisma. Tonight, this festival of ignorance comes to a screeching halt when he beats Captain Charisma. You may not like it, but you will learn from it.
You’re Welcome
Match Number One: Christian versus Damien Sandow
Christian claps to get the crowd into things and then he teases a lock up with Sandow. They lock up and Christian with a waist lock and Sandow gets to the ropes. Christian with a clean break. They lock up again and Sandow backs Christian into the corner and Sandow with a clean break of competence.
They lock up again and Christian with a waist lock but Sandow with a wrist lock. Christian with a reversal and hammer lock. Sandow with a side head lock and shoulder tackle and he mocks the Christian clap. They lock up again and Sandow with a side head lock. Christian with a kick but Sandow with a side head lock take down. Christian with a head scissors but Sandow escapes.
Sandow misses a clothesline and Christian with a side head lock take down. Sandow gets Christian up but Christian with a snap mare. Christian with a shoulder tackle and a near fall. Christian with another shoulder tackle and near fall but Sandow retreats to the ropes to stop Christian’s offense.
Christian wants a Greco Roman knuckle lock but Sandow with a kick and side head lock. Sandow goes to the floor and Christian chases after him. Sandow misses an elbow when Christian teases his re-entry into the ring. Christian with a shoulder and sunset flip for a near fall.
Christian with a wrist lock but Sandow escapes and then he does a cartwheel before kicking Christian and he punches Christian. Sandow with a slam and he gets a near fall. Sandow with a reverse chin lock into a side head lock. Christian with elbows but Sandow with punches and head butts to Christian. Sandow chokes Christian in the ropes.
Christian with an Irish whip but he runs into boots from Sandow. Christian with a back body drop for a near fall. Christian runs into a shoulder from Sandow on the apron. Sandow tries to suplex Christian over the top rope to the floor but Christian blocks it. Christian slides through the legs and he pulls Sandow off the apron and to the floor. Christian with a baseball slide and he goes to the floor. Christian rolls Sandow back in and he goes up top and misses a cross body and Sandow gets a near fall.
Christian with a kick and then he clotheslines Sandow over the top rope to the floor and Christian follows as we go to commercial.
We are back and we see the briefcase before Christian punches Sandow and slams him. Christian with a sliding clothesline and he gets a near fall. Christian sends Sandow into the turnbuckles and he punches Sandow. Christian slides under an attempt by Sandow to get his knees up. Christian teases pulling Sandow’s Longfellow into the ring post but he takes too long and Sandow pulls Christian into the ring post.
Sandow waits for Christian to return to the ring and he punches him and then he kicks Christian. Sandow hangs Christian over the apron and he connects with an elbow and then he drops a knee to the chest and gets a near fall. Sandow with a knee to the back and then he applies a quarter nelson and chin lock.
Sandow with a head butt and he pulls Christian to the mat but he misses a knee drop and Christian with a rollup. Sandow with a near fall. Sandow chokes Christian in the ropes. Sandow with a side Russian leg sweep into the Elbow of Disdain and he connects and gets a near fall.
Sandow tells everyone that they are welcome before picking up Christian and he runs his boot laces across the face. Sandow with shoulders in the corner and Christian with punches and then Christian goes up top but Sandow stops him with punches. Sandow goes for a superplex and Christian stops him for a moment but Sandow hits the superplex but both men are down.
Christian with an inside cradle for a near fall and then each man tries for a clothesline and they are both down. Christian with punches to Sandow followed by a running forearm. Sandow falls into the ropes and Christian chokes him and then Christian with a slingshot to the floor and he connects with an uppercut. Christian with a missile drop kick but Sandow kicks out.
Sandow gets his boot up but Christian with an inverted DDT for a near fall. Sandow tries for Terminus but Christian escapes and he goes to the turnbuckles for a sunset flip and he gets a near fall. Sandow sends Christian into the turnbuckles. Christian with a back elbow and he goes to the turnbuckles. Christian tries for the tornado DDT but Sandow escapes and he hits a leaping snap neck breaker for a near fall.
Christian with punches from the turnbuckles and then he hits a back elbow from the turnbuckles. Christian tries for the Killswitch but Sandow counters with an Edgeocution for a near fall. Christian avoids a charge into the corner and then Sandow is dropped on the top rope and Christian hits the Killswitch for the three count.
Winner: Christian
We go to commercial.
We are back and Zeb Colter has something to say before Jack Swagger’s match. America, do you remember that? The fifty stars, the thirteen bars. He remembers when America began on the Fourth of July. It should be a day where we honor our forefathers who fought and bled and sacrificed for us. It should be a day when we are all proud to be Americans.
That is not what it is. Some Americans have taken that day to make it another day to throw a heart attack burger on the grill or drink so much they don’t remember their name.
People like Sin Cara take advantage of the day and sneak across the border.
Real Americans do not like to be taken advantage of. Sin Cara will be made an example of.
Zeb decides to speak in Spanish (thanks to Google Translate) and decides to tell Sin Cara to learn English but it will be a mal dia para ti thanks to Jack Swagger.
Match Number Two: Sin Cara versus Jack Swagger (with Zeb Colter)
The bell rings and the lights go down to Sin Cara level. Swagger pie faces Cara and Cara with a forearm and kicks. Cara with more kicks but Swagger sends him into the corner and he connects with knees. Swagger with more knees in the corner and the referee warns Swagger. Swagger with more knees in the corner and he sends Cara to the mat. Swagger with a biel to Cara.
Swagger tries for a belly-to-back suplex but Cara lands on his feet and he hits a handspring back elbow. Swagger charges at Cara and Cara ducks down. Swagger goes to the floor. Cara tries for a baseball slide but Swagger moves out of the way and Swagger runs Cara into the ringside barrier.
The referee starts his count and Cara struggles to get back to his feet but Cara gets in at nine to the shock of Swagger. We go to commercial.
We are back and Swagger with the double jump Swagger Bomb. Swagger takes time to tell us welcome to Jack Swagger’s America. Swagger with a waist lock to Cara. Swagger with forearms to the back but Cara with a crucifix cover for a near fall. Swagger with a boot to Cara.
Swagger sends Cara into the turnbuckles a few times and Cara is down on the mat. Swagger traps the arms on the mat. Cara with elbows but Swagger with a forearm to the back and then he slams Cara. Swagger misses a leaping leg drop and both men are down. Cara with kicks to the leg but Swagger sends Cara into the corner and Cara gets his boots up.
Cara tries for a rana but Swagger catches him and tries for an ankle lock. Cara with an enzuigiri from the apron and then he hits a cross body from the top. Cara tries for a head scissors but Swagger blocks it and he counters with the Doctor Bomb and he makes Cara tap to the ankle lock.
Winner: Jack Swagger
We have a Wyatt Family video and we are reminded that they are going to debut on Monday night on Raw.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we are reminded that CM Punk will be on Smackdown this week.
It is time for a Mark Henry video package.
AJ Lee makes her way to the ring with Big E Langston and she joins Cody and Josh at the announce table.
Match Number Three: Big E Langston versus Curt Hawkins
Hawkins with a waist lock but Langston with a back drop. They lock up again and Hawkins with a side head lock and Langston puts Hawkins on the turnbuckles and he mocks Hawkins. They lock up again and Hawkins with another side head lock but Langston puts Hawkins on the turnbuckles again. Hawkins blocks the slap and he slaps Langston.
Hawkins leaps over Langston but Langston with a body tackle and then he applies a bear hug. Hawkins with elbows to escape and then he kicks Langston but Langston with a back body drop. Hawkins draws Langston to the floor and then he kicks Langston when he reenters the ring and he hits a hesitation drop kick. Langston kicks Hawkins away but Hawkins with a forearm into the corner.
Langston misses a clothesline but Langston with another body block. Langston with a splash to the back and then he pulls the straps down and he applies the Big Ending and he gets the three count.
Winner: Big E Langston
We go to credits.