LionDen
01-14-2015, 02:21 PM
RAW LIVE Coverage - 12th Jan, 2014
Location: Smoothie Center, New Orleans
Announcers: Booker T, Michael Cole, JBL
We begin this week’s show with a look back at what happened last week on Raw when John Cena’s act of heroism to bring back the Authority while saving Edge’s life led to the firing of three men, but allowed for confetti and balloon makers to have a windfall last week.
John Cena makes his way to the ring.
John says that it is good to be back in the city that hosted Wrestlemania. Bourbon Street is all about having a good time and making noise. This is not like last week, even though the Authority is back in power. John says that he could not believe he works for two people who did not get their jobs back with hard work. They made their whipping boy threaten a Hall of Famer to get their jobs back.
Triple H is a 13 time champion and an automatic Hall of Famer will only be remembered as a back stabbing sociopath whose job is to make everyone’s lives miserable.
Last week, they fired Ryback, Erick Rowan, and Dolph Ziggler.
Maybe the Authority is listening tonight. John asks the people if they like Dolph Ziggler. He asks if any of them deserve to be fired. He wants to know if they want to see those three men back tonight on Raw.
John tells the Authority that the city of New Orleans has spoken.
John tells everyone they have a voice. He wants everyone to get on social media and use the hashtag ‘Authority Sucks’. If they don’t see or hear you, they are deaf, blind, and stupid.
John says he has a plan B. At the Royal Rumble, he faces Seth Rollins and Brock Lesnar for the World Championship. John says that he will win the match. He is going to leave as the WWE Champion. When the Royal Rumble is over and he stands proud in the ring that the CHAMP IS HERE . . . it will be the moment he says ‘You Can’t See Me’. He is going to take the championship and go home. He will wait until the Authority gives them their jobs back or this show’s most coveted prize will be sitting at home.
What will that do to the company’s reputation and image? What if the biggest championship is not on Wrestlemania?
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon make their way to the ring.
Stephanie thanks everyone for the reception. She asks John if he is listening to himself. The hashtag is so original. If she is Erick Rowan, Ryback, or Dolph Ziggler, who are sitting at home, because of John, they will be so happy to watch the Royal Rumble and win the championship match and then see John take his proverbial ball and go home. You are willing to turn your back on the people like he did on his teammates.
Hunter says that he expected more than this from John. Taking your ball and going home? You knew the consequences and stipulations. He says that John was proposing a mutiny and if anyone supported the mutiny, they would be fired. John convinced these people to do it anyone. They went to bat knowing they could lose their job.
Then you won and the Authority was out of power. Did they come out and cry and whine about it? No, they held their heads high and walked away. They found a way back in. The Authority always wins.
Seth Rollins was able to exploit you by using your weakness. At the end of the day, you are selfish. It is always about John Cena being the star of the show. Even when you had to be the ‘hero’ to save Edge and bring back the Authority at the expense of the men who stood by your side.
Hunter says that is a hero in his books.
Stephanie asks who should you be booing now.
Hunter will give John the chance to be the hero again. They didn’t want to fire those guys last week. Hunter says that they keep their promises.
Hunter asks if you want to see Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan, and Ryback get their jobs back?
How much does John want them back? Hunter tells John that all he has to do to get them their jobs back is to win his match tonight.
John wants to know how many men he has to face.
Hunter tells John if he wins, they get their jobs back. If you lose, you get to crush people’s dreams. Hunter says it is a one on one matchup. It is John Cena against the man who used John to get his job back, Seth Rollins.
Since that match is huge, it will be a lumberjack match to make sure that it doesn’t get out of control.
Hunter brings out the motivated lumberjacks because that match happens right now.
Match Number One: John Cena versus Seth Rollins in a If Cena wins: Ryback, Rowan, and Ziggler are back Lumberjack Match
They lock up and Cena with a side head lock and take down. Barrett tries to grab Cena by the leg and Cena punches Barrett on the floor. Rollins with a kick and punches. Rollins kicks Cena in the corner and connects with an elbow. Cena punches Rollins and then he Irish whips Rollins and hits a bulldog. Rollins throws Cena to the floor and the lumberjacks pick up Cena and send him back into the ring. Rollins gets a near fall. Rollins punches Cena. Cena with punches and he sends Rollins to the floor and Rollins is shielded by Noble and Mercury as we go to commercial.
We are back and we see what happened during the break when Barrett successfully tripped Cena. We are back to live action. Rollins with a short arm clothesline. Rollins with punches but Cena punches back. Cena with two flying shoulder tackles followed by a Blue Thunder Bomb. Cena signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but Rollins tries to kick Cena. Cena blocks the kick and tries for an STF. Rollins flips off the ropes but Cena with a Blue Thunder Bomb, Five Knuckle Shuffle, and Attitude Adjustment. Mercury and Noble get on the apron and Cena punches them.
Rollins is pulled to the floor and Cena with a splash onto all of them. Cena gets a near fall on Rollins. Rollins with an inside cradle for a near fall. Rollins with a super kick for a near fall. Rollins goes to the apron and then he goes up top but Cena punches Rollins and crotches him on the turnbuckles.
Cena sets for a superplex but Rollins with a rake of the eyes and then Rollins with a sunset flip into a buckle bomb. Rollins gets a near fall. Rollins argues with the referee and then some of the people on the floor argue with him. Cena with a spinebuster for a near fall.
Rollins and Cena exchange punches. Cena gets Rollins up for an Attitude Adjustment but Rollins lands on his feet and he hits a super kick and an Asai DDT for a near fall. Rollins misses a Vigilante Stinger Plash and Cena with an Attitude Adjustment but Mercury and Noble pull Cena out of the ring on the cover and the lumberjacks attack Cena.
Cesaro swings Cena into the ringside barrier. Cena is rolled back into the ring and Rollins tries for Black Out but Cena moves and he applies the STF. Kane grabs Rollins’ arm to force Cena to release the STF. Show pulls Cena out of the ring and he knocks out Cena. Cena is picked up and rolled back into the ring and Rollins gets the three count.
Winner: Seth Rollins
We go to commercial.
We are back and Dean Ambrose is with the Usos in the office with Stephanie McMahon. She wants to address some things that were said and actions that took place.
Stephanie says that she knows the Usos have animosity towards the Authority about the firings, but we all know it was due to John Cena, not them.
Jimmy and Jey wonder if there is no more punishment.
Stephanie tells Jimmy to tell his wife that she will be competing with her hand tied behind her back.
Stephanie says that Dean was acting erratically after leaving the hospital so he is deemed a threat to others. She tells Dean that he will be evaluated and if he fails, he will not be in the Royal Rumble match.
Miz and Damien Sandow are in the back and Miz says the Golden Globes took Hollywood by storm. He says his friend George Clooney won the Cecil B. DeMille award. As an FOG, he wanted to congratulate George for his honor.
Dean is being evaluated and he is asked if he knows why he is here. Dean asks if it is because he has been a bad little boy. The doctor wants to know what makes Dean’s clock tick. He asks Dean to sit back and relax and reflect. Dean has issues with the ticking sound and he stares at it as we go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (with Natalya and Adam Rose) versus Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods
Cesaro retreats into the ropes and Kofi with a drop kick that sends Cesaro to the floor. Kofi with a forearm to Cesaro but Cesaro avoids Kofi and gets back into the ring. Cesaro misses a clothesline but Cesaro sends Kofi towards the ropes for a kick from Kidd. Kidd with a springboard elbow drop for a near fall. Kidd with a reverse chin lock. Kidd runs Kofi into the corner and he tags in Cesaro.
Cesaro kicks Kofi in the corner. Cesaro with a European uppercut. Cesaro runs into an elbow. Kofi with kicks to get out of the corner but Cesaro knocks Woods off the apron. Kofi with a near fall. Cesaro tags in Kidd and Cesaro with the Giant Swing and Kidd with a drop kick to the temple and he gets a near fall.
Kidd with forearms and Cesaro tags back in. Kidd and Cesaro with kicks in the corner. Kidd tags back in and Cesaro with a European uppercut but Kofi sends Cesaro over the top rope to the floor. Kofi with a pendulum kick to Kidd and then Woods tags in with a springboard forearm and clothesline. Woods with a series of kicks followed by an Irish whip and splash into the corner.
Woods with the Honor Roll followed by a spin kick and enzuigiri to Cesaro. Kofi sends Cesaro to the floor. Rose gets on the apron and he distracts Woods. Kidd with an O’Connor Roll but Woods rolls through. Woods with a back breaker followed by a double stomp from Kofi for the three count.
Winners: Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods
Michael Cole mentions that Hall of Fame tickets will go on sale on Saturday and he mentions that Randy Savage is expected to be inducted into the Hall of Fame.
We see everyone doing their best ‘Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Yeah’.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we see footage of the Indianapolis Colts acting like Ric Flair.
Next week, there will be a Raw Reunion. Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, and Scott Hall will be on the show.
Big Show comes to the ring and whoever said all men are created equal were not giants. When you are on the top of the food chain, things come easy to you. Show says that you are showing that you are at the shallow end of the gene pool. Things come easy for him. What did you do on your first day on the job? You were probably nervous and intimidated. You were probably all scared. Show says on his first day, he beat Hulk Hogan for the World Championship. Why? Because it was easy.
Show says you spend your lives day to day living from failure to failure to reach some level of mediocrity. You don’t want competition. The world doesn’t want competition. Is competition good for America? When was the last time the ‘new guy’ came to your job (if you have one)? Did you flash your plastic smile? You thought this guy is taking my spot. What can I do to sabotage him and stab him in the back so I can have job security. Each and every one of you would do that.
Show wants to talk about Roman Reigns. Show says that he doesn’t think of Roman Reigns as competition. Reigns is WWE’s version of the New York Knicks. When Reigns faces him, he is going to take his big fist and he is going to knock Roman Reigns out. Reigns can have a losing streak and sit in a chair next to Spike Lee. He will be like the rest of you losers watching Big Show dominate the WWE.
Big Show says Roman Reigns is a loser. If you are a Roman Reigns fan, then by proxy, you are a loser too.
Roman Reigns wants to know where Big Show is going. Reigns says he thought he wasn’t a threat to Show. He says he gets it. He isn’t a threat to Big Show. It is because he doesn’t want Show’s spot. He came down here and he remembers when Show beat Hogan for the WCW title. He remembers because he was 12 years old. That is a great story.
It reminds him of a story involving a giant. He wants to tell Big Show a story. A long time ago, in a land far far away, there was a boy named Roman Reigns. He had magic beans. Those magic beans sprouted a giant beanstalk. Roman climbed that beanstalk, and when he got to the top he found a goose that laid golden eggs. He found a pile of golden coins.
There was a giant protecting that treasure. Roman said screw the treasure, I’m going to beat the crap out of the giant. As the giant was picking himself up, Roman was preparing for the fight of his life while the giant walked away cowardly. The giant proved he was the only loser in the entire kingdom.
Roman says that part about being a loser is about you Show. BELIEVE THAT.
Luke Harper makes his way to the ring for his match against Roman Reigns and he walks past Big Show. Show joins Harper on his way to the ring.
Match Number Three: Roman Reigns versus Luke Harper
Harper punches Reigns but Reigns punches back in the corner. Reigns with an Irish whip and Samoan Drop. Reigns sets up for the Superman punch but Harper gets out of the ring and we go to commercial.
We are back and Harper kicks Reigns and he connects with palm thrusts to the upper chest and he gets a near fall. Reigns with a cravate and knees to Harper. Harper falls into the corner and he runs Harper’s face across the top rope. Harper with forearms to Reigns. Harper tries for a suplex but Reigns blocks it. Reigns with a jackhammer and he gets a near fall. Reigns with a splash into the corner but Harper with a drop kick and Reigns rolls to the floor.
Harper Irish whips Reigns into the ringside barrier and then into the ring steps. Show tells Harper to break Reigns in half. Harper with a slingshot senton for a near fall. Harper with a Gator Roll into a side head lock. Reigns gets to his feet but Harper with a head butt to the chest. Reigns with a back elbow or two.
Reigns with a flying clothesline and a clothesline into the corner followed by another one and another clothesline. Reigns with a neck breaker for a near fall. Reigns tries to get Harper on his shoulders but Harper with a rake of the eyes and a boot to the chest for a near fall. Harper tries for a power bomb but Reigns gets to his feet and Reigns with a Blue Thunder Bomb.
Reigns sets for the Superman punch and Show distracts Reigns. Harper with a waist lock and Bossman Slam for a near fall. Reigns with a Superman punch but Harper rolls to the corner. Reigns goes to the floor and he looks at Big Show before hitting the Juggernaut Broad Jump drop kick. Reigns with a forearm and then he kicks Show when he tries to interfere.
Harper with a super kick for a near fall. Harper looks around and lines up Reigns for the discus lariat but Reigns with a spear for the three count.
Winner: Roman Reigns
After the match, Big Show attacks Reigns and he punches and slams Reigns. Show picks up Reigns and connects with the knock out punch.
We get to relive the Lumberjack Match between Seth Rollins and John Cena when Cena was unable to get three men their jobs back.
We go to commercial with Jimmy Uso and Naomi Uso talking about Naomi’s match.
We are back and Miz talks about the story behind Boyhood, the movie that won the Golden Globe. Miz says Sandow has a film of his own. Sandow says he has had a camera crew around Miz’ house over the last six months. He calls is Manhood.
Miz is not excited to hear that news.
Match Number Four: Naomi versus Alicia Fox
Naomi has one arm tied behind her back and Alicia does nothing but circle around Naomi for a minute. Naomi with a kick and forearms. Naomi with a short arm clothesline. Alicia with a kick and tilt-a-whirl back breaker for a near fall. Alicia slams Naomi’s head into the mat and she gets a near fall. Alicia with a key lock on Naomi’s free arm.
Naomi gets to her feet and she uses her rear end to get loose. Alicia with a punch to the face and then she sends Naomi into the turnbuckles and connects with elbows. Naomi with an elbow and kick that sends Alicia to the mat. Naomi with clotheslines and a thrust kick that sends Alicia to the apron.
Naomi with a round kick that sends Alicia to the floor. Naomi with a knee to the midsection and she sends Alicia into the apron. Naomi sends Alicia back into the ring and she follows but Alicia with a boot to the head. Alicia with a scissors kick to the lower back for the three count.
Winner: Alicia Fox
We go back to Dean Ambrose and his doctor. The Doctor wants Dean to give him the first thing that comes to mind when he sees an image.
He yells out Thursday. He says Irritable Bowel Syndrome for HHH. He says scumbag for Seth Rollins. He says Brother for Roman Reigns. He says Toothpaste for Kane. He says Hoooooooooooooooooooooooo for Jim Duggan. He says Hoooooooooooooo for Stephanie McMahon.
We are back and Brock Lesnar makes his way to the ring with Paul Heyman.
Paul Heyman introduces himself and he is happy to return to the scene of the crime where people laid witness to this . . .
We see footage of Brock Lesnar defeating the Undertaker.
Paul says the death of a myth, the end of a legacy. The rise of a beast. It happened in one moment when the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania was conquered by his client BROCK LESNAR. Paul says his client is not one to dwell on the past because he would mention that he is the only one to hold the NCAA Championship, the UFC Championship, and Undisputed WWE Championship. No man has ever held two of those distinctions.
Paul says he loves to dwell in the past and he loves to remind you that his client ended the Undertaker’s streak at Wrestlemania. We are 282 days later and it still burns you when he says that his client ended the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. That is what Brock does. He loves it when this Disneyfied billion dollar concept of ‘Now, Then, Forever’ product and fantasy comes up against Brock Lesnar.
The Undertaker’s streak will continue forever . . . Fantasy. Brock Lesnar Fact. The Cenation flag will fly forever. . . Fantasy. Brock Lesnar. Reality. Seth Rollins is the future of the WWE. . . Fantasy or reality?
There is a Triple Threat Match at the Royal Rumble with Brock, Seth, and John. All three men will be in the ring later tonight. Brock will explain to them the difference between Fantasy and Reality, face to face to curb stomping face.
We go to commercial.
We are back with more “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH Yeahs’
Match Number Five: Miz (with Damien Sandow) versus Jey Uso (with Jimmy Uso)
Miz takes off his sunglasses to no reaction before locking up. Miz with an Irish whip and clothesline into the corner. Miz goes up top and he is met with a punch to the midsection and then Jey picks up Miz and Sandow lays on the top rope as Jey slams Sandow and Sandow falls to the mat. Miz sends Jey to the apron and Jey with an elbow.
Jey with a cross body for a near fall. Jey with a Samoan drop and Miz backs into the corner. Jey with a running butt splash into the corner and he gets a near fall. Miz sends Jey into the turnbuckles and then Miz kicks Jey in the thigh and he tries for a figure four but Jey with an inside cradle for a near fall.
Sandow tries to help Miz but Jimmy pulls him to the floor. Miz with the Skull Crushing Finale on Jey for the three count.
Winner: Miz
We are reminded that the WWE Network will debut in the United Kingdom and Ireland next Monday night.
We go to commercial.
We are back and so is Daniel Bryan to the city of New Orleans, where he did something last year.
He says something feels familiar and something big must have happened here. He says he cannot remember. Wait, the last time he was in New Orleans, he won the main event of Wrestlemania and became the World Champion. He says that is not bad for a lumberjack looking B+ Player.
It is fitting that in the city of his greatest accomplishment, he will talk about winning the Royal Rumble. They are going to do the whole shebang again and he will win the Royal Rumble and main event Wrestlemania again.
Daniel says he doesn’t care what the Authority has to say . . .
Stephanie McMahon’s music does not care what Daniel Bryan says and the woman behind the music makes her way to the ring.
Stephanie says she loves everyone too. She tells Daniel if he is not physically fit, she has a gift for him. It is a DVD of the Fit Series featuring her.
She says this city has a lot of memories. It was a few miles down the road where records were broken at Wrestlemania. You made history. You beat her husband and then went on to win the WWE Championship. You proved them wrong.
Then reality came crashing down. When she thinks of Daniel Bryan and 2014, this is what she remembers. We see footage of Kane injuring Daniel Bryan. She talks about the injuries and surgeries. You have been gone for how long? There were doubts if you would ever come back.
These people, for some reason, believe in you and they believe you will write the next chapter in your story. You are an average Joe who overcame the odds. The people, your wife, and your unborn box troll children believe in you.
Do you think you can do this all over again?
Daniel tells Stephanie ‘Yes’.
Daniel tells Stephanie to join with the fans and raise her arms because it is a better workout than her DVD.
That is why you don’t get the average Joes. He was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth so he has had to earn everything. No matter what you say or what the Authority does, he will never stop fighting. The people will never stop fighting. We will not stop fighting. They will go through the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania until they prove her wrong one more time.
Stephanie says a silver spoon affords her an education. She says Daniel’s first match back will not be at the Royal Rumble. It will be on Smackdown against someone you are familiar with.
Kane makes his way to the ring.
Bryan with punches to Kane and he sends him into the ringside barrier. Kane sends Bryan into the ring steps. Kane removes his jacket and tie as he rearranges the ring steps. Kane sets for a tombstone but Bryan gets to his feet and he sends Kane into the ring post. Bryan with punches to Kane. Bryan with a running drop kick that sends Kane into the ringside barrier.
Officials finally get to the ring to separate Bryan and Kane but Bryan gets into the ring and hits a suicide dive onto Kane and he punches Kane some more.
Seth Rollins is in the back with Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury and he is happy about the sight of him pinning John Cena.
He turns around and Brock Lesnar is there. Brock says that you are the guy who beat John Cena tonight. You are the guy who weaseled his way into the title match at Royal Rumble.
Seth tells Brock he is the future of the WWE.
Brock says the future starts when he starts.
Paul tries to separate Seth and Brock. He tells Mr. Rollins what he did was remarkable. At the Royal Rumble, he will be facing Brock Lesnar. They have worked together in the past and maybe it can continue at the Royal Rumble. They can get rid of John Cena and then, may the best man win.
They stare at each other and Brock backs away from Rollins as we go to commercial.
Match Number Six: Brie Bella (with Nikki Bella) versus Paige (with Tyson Kidd and Natalya)
They lock up and Paige with a back elbow and she goes to the apron and connects with knees to the midsection and she screams. Brie with a knee to Paige followed by a Brie Mode missile drop kick for a near fall. Brie slams Paige’s head to the mat. Brie with a rear chin lock. Brie sends Paige to the mat and then returns to a rear chin lock.
Paige with head butts to Brie and then she hits a super kick and she gets a near fall. Tyson gets on the apron and that allows Brie to get a three count with a rollup on a distracted Paige.
Winner: Brie Bella
After the match, Paige goes to the floor and she slaps Tyson in the face and Paige walks away.
John Cena is sitting in the locker room and he looks like he is at an emotional crossroad.
We see footage from last Monday’s Ambulance Match between Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt.
Bray Wyatt is in the back and he says at the Royal Rumble, 30 souls will enter and 29 souls will fall. It will take time to realize we are not in Wonderland Alice. He will change your world. Some will laugh and some will cry. Some will be too shocked at what they will see that they will sit in silence. This animal will be freed from its cage and he tells everyone to run.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time once more to talk about how maybe Randy Savage might be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. It is finally time on the script to make it official.
We are told that Hulk Hogan will be inducting Savage into the Hall of Fame.
Konnor and Viktor were in the Goldman Box and they say that they are better than Demolition, the Powers of Pain, and the Road Warriors.
Match Number Seven: Konnor and Viktor versus Two People Who Were Not Named
Konnor starts off and he sends the guy in green into the turnbuckles and ring post. Konnor sends him into the ring and he runs him into the turnbuckles. Konnor with punches and Viktor tags in and he hits him from behind. Konnor tags back in and they hit a double hip toss and send him into the air. They hit the Fall of Man for the three count.
Winners: Konnor and Viktor
We go back to Dean and he says we have made progress. The doctor complains about his dad. Dean says he has enjoyed the session and he hopes that he has worked through his problems. He tells the doctor he won’t go blind. Dean tells him to sign the papers and he will be able to get the professional help he needs.
It looks like Dean is normal.
Dean says that he thinks the Doctor is spineless . . . and it is weird that you sit down to pee.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Lana says that Ryback was supposed to face Rusev tonight, but . . . he got canned. She says that they would like to take a moment for thanking the Authority for firing Ryback. She wants to thank John Cena for failing to get Ryback’s job back. It is so typical. An American has a job and chooses to be subordinate.
Your USA chants will not help you. She wants all of you to take a moment and imagine how Ryback feels at home. She says that maybe he can get a job at a deli or some other stupid place he mentioned in his stupid story.
Rusev takes the mic and he says that Ryback is spineless man and he deserves to be fired. He does not belong in the same ring as him. Just like you stupid Americans do not deserve him as your champion.
Rusev says Ryback, he has a secret for you. You are a lucky man because you got fired and because your Super American John Cena couldn’t win your job back. What would have happened is you would have ended up in the Royal Rumble match when he would throw you and twenty-eight other men over the top rope.
Dean Ambrose makes his way to the ring.
Match Number Eight: Rusev (with Lana) versus Dean Ambrose in a Non Title Match
Ambrose punches Rusev and he drop kicks Rusev through the ropes and to the floor. We go to commercial.
We are back and the ring is set up for the main event promo segment. The table and chairs are on the carpet. Stephanie reminds you that you can watch the Royal Rumble on the WWE Network.
Stephanie brings out the man who is single handedly responsible for using John Cena to bring back the Authority . . . Seth Rollins.
Seth comes to the ring with his suited little friends Joey and Jamie.
Triple H introduces the man who was used by Seth Rollins, the man that could find it in himself to bring the Authority, but not his friends. Mr. Hustle Loyalty and Broken Promises . . . John Cena.
Stephanie introduces the Beast Incarnate (and probably someone not manipulated by Seth Rollins) . . . Brock Lesnar. Brock is joined by Paul Heyman as he does the Brock Bounce on the stage.
Everyone gets their contract signing commemorative mics.
Paul says that for those of you who cannot identify them without a scorecard, he says that he wishes he was behind the plan to bring back the Authority, but it had one architect and that man is Seth Rollins. Seth Rollins had a plan. That plan was endorsed by Paul Heyman. What was endorsed by Paul Heyman was desperately needed by the Authority.
What was desperately needed for John Cena was bad for John Cena. What is bad for John Cena is good for Brock Lesnar. What is good for Brock Lesnar is best for business.
Seth tells Paul he appreciates him. He says it was a hell of a plan if he says so himself.
Paul says that he was not done. Paul tells Mr. Rollins that his client Brock Lesnar has conquered everything in his path. That will include anything that comes in his path at the Royal Rumble pay per view. That is the end of his statement.
Seth asks Paul if he is upset that this match is now a Triple Threat.
Paul says he is upset because a Triple Threat could be a double cross where the reigning, defending, undisputed champion does not have to be pinned or tap out to lose the championship.
Seth says that Paul just explained the rules of a Triple Threat Match. Brock has a list of accomplishments that is incomparable. Is Brock Lesnar unable to conquer a Triple Threat match?
Seth tells Paul he is not finished. He does not have the list of accomplishments that Brock does. Brock does not have his list of accomplishment. He built the Shield, he destroyed the Shield. He is Mr. Money in the Bank. He single handedly brought back the Authority. He managed to pin John Cena to keep Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan fired. Whether it is Plan A or Plan B, he will walk out of the Royal Rumble as the World Champion.
Paul tells Brock. . .
Brock tells Mr. Curb Stomp that he conquered the Undertaker. He conquered Triple H and he conquered John Cena and he will conquer Seth.
John tells Brock he does not have to get pinned to lose the title, but he will pin him. He says that he owes Seth a beat down. They are going to kicks Seth’s ass and then he is going to kick Brock’s ass.
John signs the contract.
Brock signs the contract.
Seth says that sounds like a great plan, but there is one glaring flaw. Your plans have not gone your way. Your first plan was to keep the Authority out of power and . . . strike one. Then you had a plan to get Dolph Ziggler and company back, but he pinned John all by himself to make sure that didn’t happen so strike two. At the Royal Rumble, it will be Strike Three. That is if you can make it that far.
Cena runs Rollins into the corner and Lesnar with a German Suplex to Cena and then to Rollins. Cena with an Attitude Adjustment through the table to Lesnar. Rollins with a kick and Black Out to Cena. Rollins looks at Lesnar and Rollins with Black Out to Lesnar.
We go to commercial.
We are back and the Authority celebrates on the stage while Brock Lesnar has trouble getting back to his feet and Cena is down on the floor.
We go to credits.
Location: Smoothie Center, New Orleans
Announcers: Booker T, Michael Cole, JBL
We begin this week’s show with a look back at what happened last week on Raw when John Cena’s act of heroism to bring back the Authority while saving Edge’s life led to the firing of three men, but allowed for confetti and balloon makers to have a windfall last week.
John Cena makes his way to the ring.
John says that it is good to be back in the city that hosted Wrestlemania. Bourbon Street is all about having a good time and making noise. This is not like last week, even though the Authority is back in power. John says that he could not believe he works for two people who did not get their jobs back with hard work. They made their whipping boy threaten a Hall of Famer to get their jobs back.
Triple H is a 13 time champion and an automatic Hall of Famer will only be remembered as a back stabbing sociopath whose job is to make everyone’s lives miserable.
Last week, they fired Ryback, Erick Rowan, and Dolph Ziggler.
Maybe the Authority is listening tonight. John asks the people if they like Dolph Ziggler. He asks if any of them deserve to be fired. He wants to know if they want to see those three men back tonight on Raw.
John tells the Authority that the city of New Orleans has spoken.
John tells everyone they have a voice. He wants everyone to get on social media and use the hashtag ‘Authority Sucks’. If they don’t see or hear you, they are deaf, blind, and stupid.
John says he has a plan B. At the Royal Rumble, he faces Seth Rollins and Brock Lesnar for the World Championship. John says that he will win the match. He is going to leave as the WWE Champion. When the Royal Rumble is over and he stands proud in the ring that the CHAMP IS HERE . . . it will be the moment he says ‘You Can’t See Me’. He is going to take the championship and go home. He will wait until the Authority gives them their jobs back or this show’s most coveted prize will be sitting at home.
What will that do to the company’s reputation and image? What if the biggest championship is not on Wrestlemania?
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon make their way to the ring.
Stephanie thanks everyone for the reception. She asks John if he is listening to himself. The hashtag is so original. If she is Erick Rowan, Ryback, or Dolph Ziggler, who are sitting at home, because of John, they will be so happy to watch the Royal Rumble and win the championship match and then see John take his proverbial ball and go home. You are willing to turn your back on the people like he did on his teammates.
Hunter says that he expected more than this from John. Taking your ball and going home? You knew the consequences and stipulations. He says that John was proposing a mutiny and if anyone supported the mutiny, they would be fired. John convinced these people to do it anyone. They went to bat knowing they could lose their job.
Then you won and the Authority was out of power. Did they come out and cry and whine about it? No, they held their heads high and walked away. They found a way back in. The Authority always wins.
Seth Rollins was able to exploit you by using your weakness. At the end of the day, you are selfish. It is always about John Cena being the star of the show. Even when you had to be the ‘hero’ to save Edge and bring back the Authority at the expense of the men who stood by your side.
Hunter says that is a hero in his books.
Stephanie asks who should you be booing now.
Hunter will give John the chance to be the hero again. They didn’t want to fire those guys last week. Hunter says that they keep their promises.
Hunter asks if you want to see Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan, and Ryback get their jobs back?
How much does John want them back? Hunter tells John that all he has to do to get them their jobs back is to win his match tonight.
John wants to know how many men he has to face.
Hunter tells John if he wins, they get their jobs back. If you lose, you get to crush people’s dreams. Hunter says it is a one on one matchup. It is John Cena against the man who used John to get his job back, Seth Rollins.
Since that match is huge, it will be a lumberjack match to make sure that it doesn’t get out of control.
Hunter brings out the motivated lumberjacks because that match happens right now.
Match Number One: John Cena versus Seth Rollins in a If Cena wins: Ryback, Rowan, and Ziggler are back Lumberjack Match
They lock up and Cena with a side head lock and take down. Barrett tries to grab Cena by the leg and Cena punches Barrett on the floor. Rollins with a kick and punches. Rollins kicks Cena in the corner and connects with an elbow. Cena punches Rollins and then he Irish whips Rollins and hits a bulldog. Rollins throws Cena to the floor and the lumberjacks pick up Cena and send him back into the ring. Rollins gets a near fall. Rollins punches Cena. Cena with punches and he sends Rollins to the floor and Rollins is shielded by Noble and Mercury as we go to commercial.
We are back and we see what happened during the break when Barrett successfully tripped Cena. We are back to live action. Rollins with a short arm clothesline. Rollins with punches but Cena punches back. Cena with two flying shoulder tackles followed by a Blue Thunder Bomb. Cena signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but Rollins tries to kick Cena. Cena blocks the kick and tries for an STF. Rollins flips off the ropes but Cena with a Blue Thunder Bomb, Five Knuckle Shuffle, and Attitude Adjustment. Mercury and Noble get on the apron and Cena punches them.
Rollins is pulled to the floor and Cena with a splash onto all of them. Cena gets a near fall on Rollins. Rollins with an inside cradle for a near fall. Rollins with a super kick for a near fall. Rollins goes to the apron and then he goes up top but Cena punches Rollins and crotches him on the turnbuckles.
Cena sets for a superplex but Rollins with a rake of the eyes and then Rollins with a sunset flip into a buckle bomb. Rollins gets a near fall. Rollins argues with the referee and then some of the people on the floor argue with him. Cena with a spinebuster for a near fall.
Rollins and Cena exchange punches. Cena gets Rollins up for an Attitude Adjustment but Rollins lands on his feet and he hits a super kick and an Asai DDT for a near fall. Rollins misses a Vigilante Stinger Plash and Cena with an Attitude Adjustment but Mercury and Noble pull Cena out of the ring on the cover and the lumberjacks attack Cena.
Cesaro swings Cena into the ringside barrier. Cena is rolled back into the ring and Rollins tries for Black Out but Cena moves and he applies the STF. Kane grabs Rollins’ arm to force Cena to release the STF. Show pulls Cena out of the ring and he knocks out Cena. Cena is picked up and rolled back into the ring and Rollins gets the three count.
Winner: Seth Rollins
We go to commercial.
We are back and Dean Ambrose is with the Usos in the office with Stephanie McMahon. She wants to address some things that were said and actions that took place.
Stephanie says that she knows the Usos have animosity towards the Authority about the firings, but we all know it was due to John Cena, not them.
Jimmy and Jey wonder if there is no more punishment.
Stephanie tells Jimmy to tell his wife that she will be competing with her hand tied behind her back.
Stephanie says that Dean was acting erratically after leaving the hospital so he is deemed a threat to others. She tells Dean that he will be evaluated and if he fails, he will not be in the Royal Rumble match.
Miz and Damien Sandow are in the back and Miz says the Golden Globes took Hollywood by storm. He says his friend George Clooney won the Cecil B. DeMille award. As an FOG, he wanted to congratulate George for his honor.
Dean is being evaluated and he is asked if he knows why he is here. Dean asks if it is because he has been a bad little boy. The doctor wants to know what makes Dean’s clock tick. He asks Dean to sit back and relax and reflect. Dean has issues with the ticking sound and he stares at it as we go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (with Natalya and Adam Rose) versus Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods
Cesaro retreats into the ropes and Kofi with a drop kick that sends Cesaro to the floor. Kofi with a forearm to Cesaro but Cesaro avoids Kofi and gets back into the ring. Cesaro misses a clothesline but Cesaro sends Kofi towards the ropes for a kick from Kidd. Kidd with a springboard elbow drop for a near fall. Kidd with a reverse chin lock. Kidd runs Kofi into the corner and he tags in Cesaro.
Cesaro kicks Kofi in the corner. Cesaro with a European uppercut. Cesaro runs into an elbow. Kofi with kicks to get out of the corner but Cesaro knocks Woods off the apron. Kofi with a near fall. Cesaro tags in Kidd and Cesaro with the Giant Swing and Kidd with a drop kick to the temple and he gets a near fall.
Kidd with forearms and Cesaro tags back in. Kidd and Cesaro with kicks in the corner. Kidd tags back in and Cesaro with a European uppercut but Kofi sends Cesaro over the top rope to the floor. Kofi with a pendulum kick to Kidd and then Woods tags in with a springboard forearm and clothesline. Woods with a series of kicks followed by an Irish whip and splash into the corner.
Woods with the Honor Roll followed by a spin kick and enzuigiri to Cesaro. Kofi sends Cesaro to the floor. Rose gets on the apron and he distracts Woods. Kidd with an O’Connor Roll but Woods rolls through. Woods with a back breaker followed by a double stomp from Kofi for the three count.
Winners: Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods
Michael Cole mentions that Hall of Fame tickets will go on sale on Saturday and he mentions that Randy Savage is expected to be inducted into the Hall of Fame.
We see everyone doing their best ‘Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Yeah’.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we see footage of the Indianapolis Colts acting like Ric Flair.
Next week, there will be a Raw Reunion. Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, and Scott Hall will be on the show.
Big Show comes to the ring and whoever said all men are created equal were not giants. When you are on the top of the food chain, things come easy to you. Show says that you are showing that you are at the shallow end of the gene pool. Things come easy for him. What did you do on your first day on the job? You were probably nervous and intimidated. You were probably all scared. Show says on his first day, he beat Hulk Hogan for the World Championship. Why? Because it was easy.
Show says you spend your lives day to day living from failure to failure to reach some level of mediocrity. You don’t want competition. The world doesn’t want competition. Is competition good for America? When was the last time the ‘new guy’ came to your job (if you have one)? Did you flash your plastic smile? You thought this guy is taking my spot. What can I do to sabotage him and stab him in the back so I can have job security. Each and every one of you would do that.
Show wants to talk about Roman Reigns. Show says that he doesn’t think of Roman Reigns as competition. Reigns is WWE’s version of the New York Knicks. When Reigns faces him, he is going to take his big fist and he is going to knock Roman Reigns out. Reigns can have a losing streak and sit in a chair next to Spike Lee. He will be like the rest of you losers watching Big Show dominate the WWE.
Big Show says Roman Reigns is a loser. If you are a Roman Reigns fan, then by proxy, you are a loser too.
Roman Reigns wants to know where Big Show is going. Reigns says he thought he wasn’t a threat to Show. He says he gets it. He isn’t a threat to Big Show. It is because he doesn’t want Show’s spot. He came down here and he remembers when Show beat Hogan for the WCW title. He remembers because he was 12 years old. That is a great story.
It reminds him of a story involving a giant. He wants to tell Big Show a story. A long time ago, in a land far far away, there was a boy named Roman Reigns. He had magic beans. Those magic beans sprouted a giant beanstalk. Roman climbed that beanstalk, and when he got to the top he found a goose that laid golden eggs. He found a pile of golden coins.
There was a giant protecting that treasure. Roman said screw the treasure, I’m going to beat the crap out of the giant. As the giant was picking himself up, Roman was preparing for the fight of his life while the giant walked away cowardly. The giant proved he was the only loser in the entire kingdom.
Roman says that part about being a loser is about you Show. BELIEVE THAT.
Luke Harper makes his way to the ring for his match against Roman Reigns and he walks past Big Show. Show joins Harper on his way to the ring.
Match Number Three: Roman Reigns versus Luke Harper
Harper punches Reigns but Reigns punches back in the corner. Reigns with an Irish whip and Samoan Drop. Reigns sets up for the Superman punch but Harper gets out of the ring and we go to commercial.
We are back and Harper kicks Reigns and he connects with palm thrusts to the upper chest and he gets a near fall. Reigns with a cravate and knees to Harper. Harper falls into the corner and he runs Harper’s face across the top rope. Harper with forearms to Reigns. Harper tries for a suplex but Reigns blocks it. Reigns with a jackhammer and he gets a near fall. Reigns with a splash into the corner but Harper with a drop kick and Reigns rolls to the floor.
Harper Irish whips Reigns into the ringside barrier and then into the ring steps. Show tells Harper to break Reigns in half. Harper with a slingshot senton for a near fall. Harper with a Gator Roll into a side head lock. Reigns gets to his feet but Harper with a head butt to the chest. Reigns with a back elbow or two.
Reigns with a flying clothesline and a clothesline into the corner followed by another one and another clothesline. Reigns with a neck breaker for a near fall. Reigns tries to get Harper on his shoulders but Harper with a rake of the eyes and a boot to the chest for a near fall. Harper tries for a power bomb but Reigns gets to his feet and Reigns with a Blue Thunder Bomb.
Reigns sets for the Superman punch and Show distracts Reigns. Harper with a waist lock and Bossman Slam for a near fall. Reigns with a Superman punch but Harper rolls to the corner. Reigns goes to the floor and he looks at Big Show before hitting the Juggernaut Broad Jump drop kick. Reigns with a forearm and then he kicks Show when he tries to interfere.
Harper with a super kick for a near fall. Harper looks around and lines up Reigns for the discus lariat but Reigns with a spear for the three count.
Winner: Roman Reigns
After the match, Big Show attacks Reigns and he punches and slams Reigns. Show picks up Reigns and connects with the knock out punch.
We get to relive the Lumberjack Match between Seth Rollins and John Cena when Cena was unable to get three men their jobs back.
We go to commercial with Jimmy Uso and Naomi Uso talking about Naomi’s match.
We are back and Miz talks about the story behind Boyhood, the movie that won the Golden Globe. Miz says Sandow has a film of his own. Sandow says he has had a camera crew around Miz’ house over the last six months. He calls is Manhood.
Miz is not excited to hear that news.
Match Number Four: Naomi versus Alicia Fox
Naomi has one arm tied behind her back and Alicia does nothing but circle around Naomi for a minute. Naomi with a kick and forearms. Naomi with a short arm clothesline. Alicia with a kick and tilt-a-whirl back breaker for a near fall. Alicia slams Naomi’s head into the mat and she gets a near fall. Alicia with a key lock on Naomi’s free arm.
Naomi gets to her feet and she uses her rear end to get loose. Alicia with a punch to the face and then she sends Naomi into the turnbuckles and connects with elbows. Naomi with an elbow and kick that sends Alicia to the mat. Naomi with clotheslines and a thrust kick that sends Alicia to the apron.
Naomi with a round kick that sends Alicia to the floor. Naomi with a knee to the midsection and she sends Alicia into the apron. Naomi sends Alicia back into the ring and she follows but Alicia with a boot to the head. Alicia with a scissors kick to the lower back for the three count.
Winner: Alicia Fox
We go back to Dean Ambrose and his doctor. The Doctor wants Dean to give him the first thing that comes to mind when he sees an image.
He yells out Thursday. He says Irritable Bowel Syndrome for HHH. He says scumbag for Seth Rollins. He says Brother for Roman Reigns. He says Toothpaste for Kane. He says Hoooooooooooooooooooooooo for Jim Duggan. He says Hoooooooooooooo for Stephanie McMahon.
We are back and Brock Lesnar makes his way to the ring with Paul Heyman.
Paul Heyman introduces himself and he is happy to return to the scene of the crime where people laid witness to this . . .
We see footage of Brock Lesnar defeating the Undertaker.
Paul says the death of a myth, the end of a legacy. The rise of a beast. It happened in one moment when the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania was conquered by his client BROCK LESNAR. Paul says his client is not one to dwell on the past because he would mention that he is the only one to hold the NCAA Championship, the UFC Championship, and Undisputed WWE Championship. No man has ever held two of those distinctions.
Paul says he loves to dwell in the past and he loves to remind you that his client ended the Undertaker’s streak at Wrestlemania. We are 282 days later and it still burns you when he says that his client ended the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. That is what Brock does. He loves it when this Disneyfied billion dollar concept of ‘Now, Then, Forever’ product and fantasy comes up against Brock Lesnar.
The Undertaker’s streak will continue forever . . . Fantasy. Brock Lesnar Fact. The Cenation flag will fly forever. . . Fantasy. Brock Lesnar. Reality. Seth Rollins is the future of the WWE. . . Fantasy or reality?
There is a Triple Threat Match at the Royal Rumble with Brock, Seth, and John. All three men will be in the ring later tonight. Brock will explain to them the difference between Fantasy and Reality, face to face to curb stomping face.
We go to commercial.
We are back with more “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH Yeahs’
Match Number Five: Miz (with Damien Sandow) versus Jey Uso (with Jimmy Uso)
Miz takes off his sunglasses to no reaction before locking up. Miz with an Irish whip and clothesline into the corner. Miz goes up top and he is met with a punch to the midsection and then Jey picks up Miz and Sandow lays on the top rope as Jey slams Sandow and Sandow falls to the mat. Miz sends Jey to the apron and Jey with an elbow.
Jey with a cross body for a near fall. Jey with a Samoan drop and Miz backs into the corner. Jey with a running butt splash into the corner and he gets a near fall. Miz sends Jey into the turnbuckles and then Miz kicks Jey in the thigh and he tries for a figure four but Jey with an inside cradle for a near fall.
Sandow tries to help Miz but Jimmy pulls him to the floor. Miz with the Skull Crushing Finale on Jey for the three count.
Winner: Miz
We are reminded that the WWE Network will debut in the United Kingdom and Ireland next Monday night.
We go to commercial.
We are back and so is Daniel Bryan to the city of New Orleans, where he did something last year.
He says something feels familiar and something big must have happened here. He says he cannot remember. Wait, the last time he was in New Orleans, he won the main event of Wrestlemania and became the World Champion. He says that is not bad for a lumberjack looking B+ Player.
It is fitting that in the city of his greatest accomplishment, he will talk about winning the Royal Rumble. They are going to do the whole shebang again and he will win the Royal Rumble and main event Wrestlemania again.
Daniel says he doesn’t care what the Authority has to say . . .
Stephanie McMahon’s music does not care what Daniel Bryan says and the woman behind the music makes her way to the ring.
Stephanie says she loves everyone too. She tells Daniel if he is not physically fit, she has a gift for him. It is a DVD of the Fit Series featuring her.
She says this city has a lot of memories. It was a few miles down the road where records were broken at Wrestlemania. You made history. You beat her husband and then went on to win the WWE Championship. You proved them wrong.
Then reality came crashing down. When she thinks of Daniel Bryan and 2014, this is what she remembers. We see footage of Kane injuring Daniel Bryan. She talks about the injuries and surgeries. You have been gone for how long? There were doubts if you would ever come back.
These people, for some reason, believe in you and they believe you will write the next chapter in your story. You are an average Joe who overcame the odds. The people, your wife, and your unborn box troll children believe in you.
Do you think you can do this all over again?
Daniel tells Stephanie ‘Yes’.
Daniel tells Stephanie to join with the fans and raise her arms because it is a better workout than her DVD.
That is why you don’t get the average Joes. He was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth so he has had to earn everything. No matter what you say or what the Authority does, he will never stop fighting. The people will never stop fighting. We will not stop fighting. They will go through the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania until they prove her wrong one more time.
Stephanie says a silver spoon affords her an education. She says Daniel’s first match back will not be at the Royal Rumble. It will be on Smackdown against someone you are familiar with.
Kane makes his way to the ring.
Bryan with punches to Kane and he sends him into the ringside barrier. Kane sends Bryan into the ring steps. Kane removes his jacket and tie as he rearranges the ring steps. Kane sets for a tombstone but Bryan gets to his feet and he sends Kane into the ring post. Bryan with punches to Kane. Bryan with a running drop kick that sends Kane into the ringside barrier.
Officials finally get to the ring to separate Bryan and Kane but Bryan gets into the ring and hits a suicide dive onto Kane and he punches Kane some more.
Seth Rollins is in the back with Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury and he is happy about the sight of him pinning John Cena.
He turns around and Brock Lesnar is there. Brock says that you are the guy who beat John Cena tonight. You are the guy who weaseled his way into the title match at Royal Rumble.
Seth tells Brock he is the future of the WWE.
Brock says the future starts when he starts.
Paul tries to separate Seth and Brock. He tells Mr. Rollins what he did was remarkable. At the Royal Rumble, he will be facing Brock Lesnar. They have worked together in the past and maybe it can continue at the Royal Rumble. They can get rid of John Cena and then, may the best man win.
They stare at each other and Brock backs away from Rollins as we go to commercial.
Match Number Six: Brie Bella (with Nikki Bella) versus Paige (with Tyson Kidd and Natalya)
They lock up and Paige with a back elbow and she goes to the apron and connects with knees to the midsection and she screams. Brie with a knee to Paige followed by a Brie Mode missile drop kick for a near fall. Brie slams Paige’s head to the mat. Brie with a rear chin lock. Brie sends Paige to the mat and then returns to a rear chin lock.
Paige with head butts to Brie and then she hits a super kick and she gets a near fall. Tyson gets on the apron and that allows Brie to get a three count with a rollup on a distracted Paige.
Winner: Brie Bella
After the match, Paige goes to the floor and she slaps Tyson in the face and Paige walks away.
John Cena is sitting in the locker room and he looks like he is at an emotional crossroad.
We see footage from last Monday’s Ambulance Match between Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt.
Bray Wyatt is in the back and he says at the Royal Rumble, 30 souls will enter and 29 souls will fall. It will take time to realize we are not in Wonderland Alice. He will change your world. Some will laugh and some will cry. Some will be too shocked at what they will see that they will sit in silence. This animal will be freed from its cage and he tells everyone to run.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time once more to talk about how maybe Randy Savage might be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. It is finally time on the script to make it official.
We are told that Hulk Hogan will be inducting Savage into the Hall of Fame.
Konnor and Viktor were in the Goldman Box and they say that they are better than Demolition, the Powers of Pain, and the Road Warriors.
Match Number Seven: Konnor and Viktor versus Two People Who Were Not Named
Konnor starts off and he sends the guy in green into the turnbuckles and ring post. Konnor sends him into the ring and he runs him into the turnbuckles. Konnor with punches and Viktor tags in and he hits him from behind. Konnor tags back in and they hit a double hip toss and send him into the air. They hit the Fall of Man for the three count.
Winners: Konnor and Viktor
We go back to Dean and he says we have made progress. The doctor complains about his dad. Dean says he has enjoyed the session and he hopes that he has worked through his problems. He tells the doctor he won’t go blind. Dean tells him to sign the papers and he will be able to get the professional help he needs.
It looks like Dean is normal.
Dean says that he thinks the Doctor is spineless . . . and it is weird that you sit down to pee.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Lana says that Ryback was supposed to face Rusev tonight, but . . . he got canned. She says that they would like to take a moment for thanking the Authority for firing Ryback. She wants to thank John Cena for failing to get Ryback’s job back. It is so typical. An American has a job and chooses to be subordinate.
Your USA chants will not help you. She wants all of you to take a moment and imagine how Ryback feels at home. She says that maybe he can get a job at a deli or some other stupid place he mentioned in his stupid story.
Rusev takes the mic and he says that Ryback is spineless man and he deserves to be fired. He does not belong in the same ring as him. Just like you stupid Americans do not deserve him as your champion.
Rusev says Ryback, he has a secret for you. You are a lucky man because you got fired and because your Super American John Cena couldn’t win your job back. What would have happened is you would have ended up in the Royal Rumble match when he would throw you and twenty-eight other men over the top rope.
Dean Ambrose makes his way to the ring.
Match Number Eight: Rusev (with Lana) versus Dean Ambrose in a Non Title Match
Ambrose punches Rusev and he drop kicks Rusev through the ropes and to the floor. We go to commercial.
We are back and the ring is set up for the main event promo segment. The table and chairs are on the carpet. Stephanie reminds you that you can watch the Royal Rumble on the WWE Network.
Stephanie brings out the man who is single handedly responsible for using John Cena to bring back the Authority . . . Seth Rollins.
Seth comes to the ring with his suited little friends Joey and Jamie.
Triple H introduces the man who was used by Seth Rollins, the man that could find it in himself to bring the Authority, but not his friends. Mr. Hustle Loyalty and Broken Promises . . . John Cena.
Stephanie introduces the Beast Incarnate (and probably someone not manipulated by Seth Rollins) . . . Brock Lesnar. Brock is joined by Paul Heyman as he does the Brock Bounce on the stage.
Everyone gets their contract signing commemorative mics.
Paul says that for those of you who cannot identify them without a scorecard, he says that he wishes he was behind the plan to bring back the Authority, but it had one architect and that man is Seth Rollins. Seth Rollins had a plan. That plan was endorsed by Paul Heyman. What was endorsed by Paul Heyman was desperately needed by the Authority.
What was desperately needed for John Cena was bad for John Cena. What is bad for John Cena is good for Brock Lesnar. What is good for Brock Lesnar is best for business.
Seth tells Paul he appreciates him. He says it was a hell of a plan if he says so himself.
Paul says that he was not done. Paul tells Mr. Rollins that his client Brock Lesnar has conquered everything in his path. That will include anything that comes in his path at the Royal Rumble pay per view. That is the end of his statement.
Seth asks Paul if he is upset that this match is now a Triple Threat.
Paul says he is upset because a Triple Threat could be a double cross where the reigning, defending, undisputed champion does not have to be pinned or tap out to lose the championship.
Seth says that Paul just explained the rules of a Triple Threat Match. Brock has a list of accomplishments that is incomparable. Is Brock Lesnar unable to conquer a Triple Threat match?
Seth tells Paul he is not finished. He does not have the list of accomplishments that Brock does. Brock does not have his list of accomplishment. He built the Shield, he destroyed the Shield. He is Mr. Money in the Bank. He single handedly brought back the Authority. He managed to pin John Cena to keep Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan fired. Whether it is Plan A or Plan B, he will walk out of the Royal Rumble as the World Champion.
Paul tells Brock. . .
Brock tells Mr. Curb Stomp that he conquered the Undertaker. He conquered Triple H and he conquered John Cena and he will conquer Seth.
John tells Brock he does not have to get pinned to lose the title, but he will pin him. He says that he owes Seth a beat down. They are going to kicks Seth’s ass and then he is going to kick Brock’s ass.
John signs the contract.
Brock signs the contract.
Seth says that sounds like a great plan, but there is one glaring flaw. Your plans have not gone your way. Your first plan was to keep the Authority out of power and . . . strike one. Then you had a plan to get Dolph Ziggler and company back, but he pinned John all by himself to make sure that didn’t happen so strike two. At the Royal Rumble, it will be Strike Three. That is if you can make it that far.
Cena runs Rollins into the corner and Lesnar with a German Suplex to Cena and then to Rollins. Cena with an Attitude Adjustment through the table to Lesnar. Rollins with a kick and Black Out to Cena. Rollins looks at Lesnar and Rollins with Black Out to Lesnar.
We go to commercial.
We are back and the Authority celebrates on the stage while Brock Lesnar has trouble getting back to his feet and Cena is down on the floor.
We go to credits.