Stunner
04-10-2006, 11:05 PM
Rope Dopes: WWE's Lamest Bad Guys
These guys get body-slammed even when they're not in the ring.
Dr. Isaac Yankem, DDS
True identity: Glen Jacobs
Some gimmicks just bite. As Jerry "the King" Lawler's "royal dentist," summoned to "extract revenge" on Bret Hart, Dr. I. Yankem wore a white smock to the ring, his entrance accompanied by the whine of a dentist's drill. His finishing move was known as the DDS (actually the DDT, made famous by wrestlers such as Jake "the Snake" Roberts). In an ironic twist only a wrestling fan could appreciate, the Doc's own teeth were rotted and nasty, and he enjoyed subjecting his patients to pain—just like a real dentist.
Did you know: As the Undertaker's brother Kane (Jacobs' current, more successful persona), Jacobs wore a full face mask for years—presumably to hide his shame over this role.
Henry O. Godwinn
True identity: Mark Canterbury
An ornery hog farmer ushered into to the ring by eerie, Deliverance-esque banjo music, Godwinn was the dark side of lovable hick grappler Hillbilly Jim (who at one point became his manager). He wrestled in denim overalls and carried a bucket of hog slop to the ring, which he dumped over opponents' heads. The lameness quotient was doubled when he formed a tag team with his brother, Phineas I. Godwinn (note initials on both).
Did you know: The Godwinns were once managed by their "Uncle Cletus," an evil redneck portrayed by none other than Tony "T.L. Hopper" Anthony.
Dean Douglas
True identity: Troy Martin
This cerebral villain pissed off fellow superstars by grading their performances (always an "F") after matches from the security of a backstage "classroom." When the Dean finally got into the ring, he strutted up wearing a graduation robe, defeated opponents with a special suplex called "the Final Exam," and, at his lowest point, spanked opponents with a wooden paddle called "the Board of Education"—bringing a hint of homoeroticism to higher education.
Did you know: Troy Martin owns a teaching degree in real life—which may have inspired Vince McMahon's brain trust to concoct the "Dean" character. Either that, or they were just high.
T.L. Hopper
True identity: Tony Anthony
The sounds of a flushing toilet accompanied this evil wrestling plumber into the squared circle, where he grappled in butt crack–revealing jeans and a dirty undershirt. Hopper's greatest accessory was his plunger, nicknamed "Betsy," which he would arrogantly shove into the face of defeated adversaries in his few actual victories.
Did you know: Hopper's finishing move was called "Down the Drain." We suppose "the Royal Flush" must have been too obvious.
The Goon
True identity: Bill Irwin
If Bo Jackson could excel in baseball and football, why couldn't a hockey enforcer also be a pro wrestler? This short-lived ice-hole wore a hockey jersey and ridiculous platform wrestling boots that looked like skates, and toted his hockey stick to the ring. Somehow, the referees missed his using it in ways that would earn him triple-digit penalty minutes in the new NHL.
Did you know: The Stanley Cup was originally called the Dominion Hockey Challenge Cup. What does this have to do with the Goon? Not much.
Papa Shango
True identity: Charles Wright
A scary voodoo priest with a painted face who brought a smoking skull to the ring—just in case his wrestling prowess was insufficient to win matches. Crowds shrieked in terror as his voodoo curse caused his archenemy—the Ultimate Warrior—to start uncontrollably vomiting in the ring. Wright later abandoned voodoo for the skin trade, adopting the fan-favorite identity of the Godfather, a heroic pimp.
Did you know: In a case of life imitating art, former ho-monger Wright now manages the gentlemen's club Cheetahs in his hometown of Las Vegas.
Xanta Claus
True identity: Jonathan Richner
You'd better not cry, you'd better not shout—or you might have your gifts taken away from you by Santa Claus's evil half-brother, hailing from—no kidding—the South Pole. Introduced at a Christmastime pay-per-view event where he assaulted another wrestler with his sack of goodies while he was giving out toys to kids in the audience, this sinful Saint Nick (who wrestled in full Kris Kringle kostume) was swiftly tossed to the curb with the dried-out Christmas trees.
Did you know: Xanta Claus went on to a semblance of fame in Extreme Championship Wrestling (eventually gobbled up by WWE) as Balls Mahoney.
Bastion Booger
True identity: Mike Shaw
This cellulite-ridden warrior's only gimmick seemed to be that he was fat, smelly and lacking in personal hygiene. When Booger waddled to the ring (accompanied by loud flatulence noises), play-by-play men commented on his sweat-stained togs (allegedly never changed) and pervasive body odor.
Did you know: Mike Shaw debuted with an even lamer schtick—an evil monk named Friar Ferguson.
Jean-Pierre Lafitte
True identity: Carl Ouellette
Polly want a new gimmick! This modern-day New Orleans pirate (actually from Quebec) sported an eye patch had a memorable feud with more-famous Canuck Bret Hart, instigated when Lafitte committed the unforgivable sin of swiping the Hitman's oh-so-manly pink-and-black jacket. (He's a pirate, get it? He steals!)
Did you know: Ouellette was forced to abandon his previous identity, the Mountie, a cattle prod–wielding RCMP officer, because uptight Canadians felt he would cause children to distrust the police. So that's why no one went to see Dudley Do-Right.
Pete Rose
True identity: Yep, that Pete Rose
A celebrity guest ring announcer at WrestleMania XIV in Boston, Pete made history by taunting the crowd and dissing Beantown as a "city of losers." (Rose's Cincinnati Reds had beaten the Red Sox in a memorable 1976 World Series). Newly minted good guy Kane got an ovation from the fans when he put a hurtin' on Charlie Hustle with his tombstone pile driver, leaving baseball's all-time hits leader and OTB patron to be hauled away on a stretcher. Undaunted, Rose returned a year later, and once more after that, to unsuccessfully attempt revenge.
Did you know: In the surreal final chapter of Rose's WrestleMania feud with Kane (at WM 2000), he came to the ring disguised in a San Diego Chicken costume, wielding a baseball bat. Inconceivably, Cooperstown still isn't returning his calls.
These guys get body-slammed even when they're not in the ring.
Dr. Isaac Yankem, DDS
True identity: Glen Jacobs
Some gimmicks just bite. As Jerry "the King" Lawler's "royal dentist," summoned to "extract revenge" on Bret Hart, Dr. I. Yankem wore a white smock to the ring, his entrance accompanied by the whine of a dentist's drill. His finishing move was known as the DDS (actually the DDT, made famous by wrestlers such as Jake "the Snake" Roberts). In an ironic twist only a wrestling fan could appreciate, the Doc's own teeth were rotted and nasty, and he enjoyed subjecting his patients to pain—just like a real dentist.
Did you know: As the Undertaker's brother Kane (Jacobs' current, more successful persona), Jacobs wore a full face mask for years—presumably to hide his shame over this role.
Henry O. Godwinn
True identity: Mark Canterbury
An ornery hog farmer ushered into to the ring by eerie, Deliverance-esque banjo music, Godwinn was the dark side of lovable hick grappler Hillbilly Jim (who at one point became his manager). He wrestled in denim overalls and carried a bucket of hog slop to the ring, which he dumped over opponents' heads. The lameness quotient was doubled when he formed a tag team with his brother, Phineas I. Godwinn (note initials on both).
Did you know: The Godwinns were once managed by their "Uncle Cletus," an evil redneck portrayed by none other than Tony "T.L. Hopper" Anthony.
Dean Douglas
True identity: Troy Martin
This cerebral villain pissed off fellow superstars by grading their performances (always an "F") after matches from the security of a backstage "classroom." When the Dean finally got into the ring, he strutted up wearing a graduation robe, defeated opponents with a special suplex called "the Final Exam," and, at his lowest point, spanked opponents with a wooden paddle called "the Board of Education"—bringing a hint of homoeroticism to higher education.
Did you know: Troy Martin owns a teaching degree in real life—which may have inspired Vince McMahon's brain trust to concoct the "Dean" character. Either that, or they were just high.
T.L. Hopper
True identity: Tony Anthony
The sounds of a flushing toilet accompanied this evil wrestling plumber into the squared circle, where he grappled in butt crack–revealing jeans and a dirty undershirt. Hopper's greatest accessory was his plunger, nicknamed "Betsy," which he would arrogantly shove into the face of defeated adversaries in his few actual victories.
Did you know: Hopper's finishing move was called "Down the Drain." We suppose "the Royal Flush" must have been too obvious.
The Goon
True identity: Bill Irwin
If Bo Jackson could excel in baseball and football, why couldn't a hockey enforcer also be a pro wrestler? This short-lived ice-hole wore a hockey jersey and ridiculous platform wrestling boots that looked like skates, and toted his hockey stick to the ring. Somehow, the referees missed his using it in ways that would earn him triple-digit penalty minutes in the new NHL.
Did you know: The Stanley Cup was originally called the Dominion Hockey Challenge Cup. What does this have to do with the Goon? Not much.
Papa Shango
True identity: Charles Wright
A scary voodoo priest with a painted face who brought a smoking skull to the ring—just in case his wrestling prowess was insufficient to win matches. Crowds shrieked in terror as his voodoo curse caused his archenemy—the Ultimate Warrior—to start uncontrollably vomiting in the ring. Wright later abandoned voodoo for the skin trade, adopting the fan-favorite identity of the Godfather, a heroic pimp.
Did you know: In a case of life imitating art, former ho-monger Wright now manages the gentlemen's club Cheetahs in his hometown of Las Vegas.
Xanta Claus
True identity: Jonathan Richner
You'd better not cry, you'd better not shout—or you might have your gifts taken away from you by Santa Claus's evil half-brother, hailing from—no kidding—the South Pole. Introduced at a Christmastime pay-per-view event where he assaulted another wrestler with his sack of goodies while he was giving out toys to kids in the audience, this sinful Saint Nick (who wrestled in full Kris Kringle kostume) was swiftly tossed to the curb with the dried-out Christmas trees.
Did you know: Xanta Claus went on to a semblance of fame in Extreme Championship Wrestling (eventually gobbled up by WWE) as Balls Mahoney.
Bastion Booger
True identity: Mike Shaw
This cellulite-ridden warrior's only gimmick seemed to be that he was fat, smelly and lacking in personal hygiene. When Booger waddled to the ring (accompanied by loud flatulence noises), play-by-play men commented on his sweat-stained togs (allegedly never changed) and pervasive body odor.
Did you know: Mike Shaw debuted with an even lamer schtick—an evil monk named Friar Ferguson.
Jean-Pierre Lafitte
True identity: Carl Ouellette
Polly want a new gimmick! This modern-day New Orleans pirate (actually from Quebec) sported an eye patch had a memorable feud with more-famous Canuck Bret Hart, instigated when Lafitte committed the unforgivable sin of swiping the Hitman's oh-so-manly pink-and-black jacket. (He's a pirate, get it? He steals!)
Did you know: Ouellette was forced to abandon his previous identity, the Mountie, a cattle prod–wielding RCMP officer, because uptight Canadians felt he would cause children to distrust the police. So that's why no one went to see Dudley Do-Right.
Pete Rose
True identity: Yep, that Pete Rose
A celebrity guest ring announcer at WrestleMania XIV in Boston, Pete made history by taunting the crowd and dissing Beantown as a "city of losers." (Rose's Cincinnati Reds had beaten the Red Sox in a memorable 1976 World Series). Newly minted good guy Kane got an ovation from the fans when he put a hurtin' on Charlie Hustle with his tombstone pile driver, leaving baseball's all-time hits leader and OTB patron to be hauled away on a stretcher. Undaunted, Rose returned a year later, and once more after that, to unsuccessfully attempt revenge.
Did you know: In the surreal final chapter of Rose's WrestleMania feud with Kane (at WM 2000), he came to the ring disguised in a San Diego Chicken costume, wielding a baseball bat. Inconceivably, Cooperstown still isn't returning his calls.